CHAPTER IX.
AT the time of Daffodil’s arrival in Croäxaxica a most momentous state question—no less than the marriage of the Crown Prince—was under consideration. Negotiations had already been begun; ambassadors had been sent by the two Royal Fathers to reside at each other’s courts and devote all their attention to concluding the marriage treaty; special postmen had been appointed to carry the enormous bulk of correspondence; councils of state were being held on the subject two or three times a week; and all the Court of Croäxaxica were thinking what to wear at the wedding. The arrival of Daffodil, and then the important case of Seventy Seven And A Half, for a while diverted Royal and public attention from the preliminaries of this Royal Alliance, but redoubled diligence was used to make up for that temporary slackening, and, as no difficulties whatever arose, in a few months all was arranged and it only remained for the Crown Prince to make his betrothed Princess his bride.
All Croäxaxica broke into loyal joviality. The canals swarmed with excited citizens huzzaing, leaping, diving, and exchanging news. The national page: 112 song was heard everywhere from a thousand voices, morning, noon, and night. The popularity of the Crown Prince, which had not been remarkable hitherto, became all of a sudden unbounded, and the Crown Princess that was to be was universally declared to be, though unassuming as to beauty and other showy attractions, gifted with graces peculiar to herself which made her the most incomparable Princess in the world.
The event was all the more joyful that there had been great risk of the Crown Prince never being able to marry at all. For, while the treaty was being begun, the Princess, through the inexcusable carelessness of her attendants, had got lost. It was several days before it was discovered that she had gone out unperceived and found her way to her future mother‐in‐law’s Royal Wardrobe, where seeing some Royal Clothes‐Buriers carrying a heaped‐up basket, she had followed them, from curiosity, and had got thrown into the clothes‐bog with the dirty clothes, by mistake. Being of a docile temper, she had remained where she was put; and, as she showed no more than the tip of her nose above the surface of the bog, she was not observed. It was only when, a few mornings later, a clothes‐burier wished to make a hole just where she was and accidentally shovelled her out, that any trace of her was found. By that time the search after her had been given up in despair and she was being bewailed as a lost hope of the world. Had she indeed disappeared irrecoverably, there would have been no one left whom the Crown Prince could marry. By a fatality which surprised and alarmed the Croäxaxicans, the Royal Matrimonial page: 113 Family of Grachidichika had become well‐nigh extinct. Their Matrimonial Majesties Regnant had only this one child, Grachidichika only this one spinster of Royal and Matrimonial rank.
The Kingdom of Grachidichika, it must be understood, was no rival to Croäxaxica: in fact it only existed for the convenience of that country. It was of no great size, being in a corner of the Croäxaxican Sovereign’s back garden, from which it was separated by a wide canal encircling it completely, and by, within that, a lofty wall of earth and moss which shut out all view of the kingdom it bounded. This Matrimonial Estate had been created several centuries before,—none but the Regius Professor of Everything knew under what circumstances. Finding Daffodil a tractable listener, the Professor was often willing to give her the advantage of his erudition. And, on the origin of the kingdom of Grachidichika, this is what he told her:
The Inimitable Croäxaxicans had not in the earliest ages been an underground people. They had inhabited territories beside the river above, and had carried on intercourse with the other nations of frogs. Although, as the Professor’s researches led him to believe, the Croäxaxicans of that period had not attained that magnificent physical development which now characterised them, they were larger and stronger than the kindred races, and they were, he need hardly say, their superiors in intelligence and enterprise. These circumstances early gave them a moral superiority over the surrounding nations which resulted in their becoming the rulers and proprietors of the other nations’ domains, and page: 114 thus the whole of that part of the world was in a state of peace and good government. But several fierce and multitudinous nations of frogs occupying the regions of an adjacent lake, not only refused to perceive the natural supremacy of the Croäxaxicans, but were arrogant enough to attempt a rivalry with them. After many disputes and many reconciliations, a great war broke out—a war such as the world had never known before, nor since. History, said the Regius Professor of Everything, had omitted to record the events of the war, feeling certain that no one would stand in need of the information, for that the Croäxaxicans had passed from victory to victory was such a fact as every one would be sure to know intuitively. But, on the successful termination of the war, the inimitable Croäxaxicans had yielded to their feelings of resentment and contempt, and had inflicted a final humiliation on their opponents by withdrawing themselves from their sight and retiring to a proud seclusion underground. At first they had kept open some ways of communication with the surface, but afterwards they must, for what reasons the Professor could not guess, have ordered their conquered foes to block up every passage; and those inferior frogs, bringing earth and stones from a neighbouring hill till they had taken it nearly all away, succeeded in carrying out the wishes of the inimitable Croäxaxicans and confining them below. The Croäxaxicans, indeed, afterwards, made a small issue to the surface at a great distance and near the mouth of the river, leading a tunnel along to the aperture. And it was in this way that they originally obtained the fish and seaweeds, and also the oysters page: 115 and other domestic animals, which had been acclimatised and now were native to their country. But, shortly after they had completed the colossal labour of this secret tunnel and egress, they had, for motives which history did not reveal, compelled their enemies to undergo the labour of throwing a hill into that opening also. The tunnel remained, extending far beyond inhabited Croäxaxica for many miles towards the sea, and some sea‐water oozing through the rock near its former opening made a useful supply; but the closing of the communication with the upper regions for which it had been originally devised was complete for ever.
“How very cruel and unforgiving of those frogs, shutting up that only way out!” exclaimed Daffodil, full of sympathy.
The Professor was puzzled at this mode of putting it. He had to think over the remark for some time. At last a light seemed to break on him. “Ah, I see,” he said. “You mean the Croäxaxicans of that day were cruel in the course they took to punish their enemies by shutting our whole nation for ever out of their reach. Well, perhaps—perhaps: but you must remember they had had great provocation. And you see we have let you come in.”
He went on to tell her how, after the Croäxaxicans had become thus exclusive, they perceived a serious difficulty in their new international policy: there was nobody for the heir to the throne to marry. Of course none but the daughter of a reigning king could be his wife; and there was now no means of making a contract with any such princess. For a time it looked as if the Royal Dynasty of Croäxaxica page: 116 must come to an end for want of wives and husbands for the Royal Sons and Daughters. But the statesman genius of the inimitable Croäxaxicans was not to be baffled by any difficulty: Grachidichika was the expedient. On the plot of ground in the back garden to which that name was given were erected a palace, a set of barracks, a parliament house, a flagstaff, and all that is necessary for a monarch’s capital. The parliament house, indeed, was, by a mistake of the architect, a little too small, as it had barely room for the Speaker and one member, whereas there was to have been a Sergeant at Arms as well: but the palace was big enough for a large family, and the flagstaff was so tall that it would have been seen from outside the wall if there had not been made a hollow for it to stand in. Thus this little domain, too small to have any live inhabitants except the Royal Family and their servants, the Speaker, and the Army, and therefore unable ever to threaten the independence of Croäxaxica, was able to rear a Royal race of marriageable persons. By a solemn decree, it was called the Matrimonial Estate and Independent Kingdom of Grachidichika: and, to make certain, its Sovereign was not to be styled merely King, but King Regnant. The title by which he was to be addressed was “Your Matrimonial Majesty,” and his children were to be “Their Matrimonial Royal Highnesses.”
There was some difficulty about getting a king, because of the confinement, to which all the Croäxaxicans with Royal Blood in their veins to whom the appointment could be offered objected: but at last the privy council hit on a capital plan. page: 117 The Croäxaxicans had taken a prisoner during the war and, unwilling to part with so honourable a memorial, they had brought him with them. It fortunately proved that he had begun life as a foundling and nobody could tell what his ancestors might not have been; it was, therefore, quite in order to pass an edict making them direct descendants of the first king of their country, whatever it might have been, and, that having been settled, the prisoner was, in right of his Royal Descent, naturally the proper person to succeed to the vacant crown of Grachidichika. A Royal Princess was given him in marriage; and, as fast as his daughters and sons were born, they were betrothed to sons and daughters of the reigning King of Croäxaxica. From that time the children of the Sovereigns were always married to each other as far as they would go.
“And what is done if there are any left over?” inquired Daffodil.
“In the case of their Matrimonial Royal Highnesses, the Grachidichikan Princesses and Princes,” replied the Professor, “if there are any more of them than sons and daughters of a King of Croäxaxica can marry, they have simply failed to accomplish their destiny and they are accordingly deposed from their exalted position and cease to be members of their family. As impostors and vagabonds without recognised means of subsistence, they are imprisoned for life in a workhouse specially built for them, where, however, they are provided with such simple requisites of food and clothing as become their humble sphere. With the Royal Scions of Croäxaxica, the position is, of course, quite dissimilar; and, there‐ page: 118 fore, it has been decreed that, in the event of the Matrimonial Royalty not providing spouses in sufficient number, younger children of Croäxaxica may marry near descendants of former kings, and, even, in extreme scarcity, that two high officials should be eligible for their hands. One is the Prime Minister, the oth—”
“Prime Minister!” broke in. Daffodil, in surprise. “This is the first I have heard of him.”
The Professor was trembling from head to foot. “How could I let such an expression slip from my tongue!” he gasped, throwing his arms up into the air.
“But where is he?” asked Daffodil.
“In the State Boa Constrictor,” replied the Professor, solemnly.
Daffodil looked shocked and sorry. “What was his crime?” she whispered.
“He conspired to make his appointment quarterly instead of weekly,” said the Professor in the same subdued tone. “But hush! hush! To name him is Treason. One of my official duties is to go through the histories of our country and strike out every reference to any holder of that office.”
“That must make the histories a little confused,” said Daffodil. “But, to be sure, the Prime Ministers always seem rather confused as it is, and the histories will be much more amusing without them.”
She had to swear secrecy: the Professor was dreadfully uneasy lest his having spoken of the swallowed Prime Minister should be known and suspicions against his loyalty aroused. And, for weeks after, he never let a day pass without con‐ page: 119 triving to meet Daffodil at least once and murmur to her “You will be sure not to tell that I said Prime Minister.” This made her take a dislike to political discussions, and, consequently, she learned less of the Croäxaxican constitution and system of government than an intelligent traveller should have done.
But to return to the Crown Prince’s wedding. As the viands used by the Croäxaxicans, and the flower garments they wear, are of a nature making a delicate freshness desirable, the preparation of the banquet and the festival attire were only begun on the very morning. At daybreak thousands of cooks, thousands of dresspickers, thousands of odd hands to get in the way and help, set to work. Soon, while the stir in the Royal Larder‐beds and Kitchens grew wilder, and the Royal Dining‐room was in an uproar with waiters telling each other where to put the dishes, the whole Plenipotentiary Department was undoing the blunders of exactly one million of hired hands, and shrieking with rapture at the magnificent costumes that, as fast as they were completed, were carried to pass in review order before the Dressmaker Plenipotentiary. There was no delay to plan anything, either dish or dress, for every item of every sort was unalterably fixed by a law which gave the details of the wedding of the first Crown Prince who married after the Croäxaxicans had banished the frogs above ground by forming their present kingdom. And, of course, all the provisions for the prescribed dishes had been collected and were swimming, or growing, ready for the moment’s turn, and the flowers had page: 120 been reared to size and shape and chosen and marked for picking. Otherwise, in a hurry, some innovation might have occurred and the results would have been serious to the Croäxaxican Constitution.
Yet, in spite of all the forethought that had been exercised, it was discovered on the wedding morning that there were two serious difficulties. One was Her Matrimonial Royal Highness’s bridal dress; the other was Daffodil. The jealously treasured Royal Wedding Water‐lily, the wearing of which by the bride is so vital a part of the Royal Marriage Ceremony, is the largest flower grown in Croäxaxica. Her Matrimonial Royal Highness was the smallest frog that had been born in the country for fifty generations. It had therefore been an anxious task to bring a dress to perfection and yet keep it sufficiently undersized to do for her. Only one of the plants treated for the purpose had developed a flower in the required proportions; it had not been possible to carry out the usual custom of growing three dresses for the Queen’s selection for the bride. And, lo, when the hour for the solemn gathering had come and the Queen took hold of the lily, it had become dangerously full‐blown in the night, and three petals dropped off. What could be done? Three petals from among the smallest of another lily might be tacked on with almost invisible fish‐bones, but it was to be expected that other petals would drop if the dress were worn, and could the Princess go in procession in that tattered condition? And perhaps all the petals would drop off and leave her in no dress at all, and then the marriage would page: 121 be illegal. It was proposed to put off the event till another lily or two of a suitable size could be reared, but the Crown Prince declared he would not wait so many months for the chance of their blooming to fit; and the ambassador of Grachidichika shook his head diplomatically and said, if Her Matrimonial Royal Highness was to be sent home unmarried, it would be his duty to protect the dignity of Grachidichika by withdrawing indignantly—which, being an arrangement not contemplated in any former time, would have been very inconvenient, for there was no room in Grachidichika for the ambassador, who naturally was expected to live in the country to which he was ambassador, and where, besides, he was hereditary Lord Mayor of his native street. There was nothing for it but to put the poor little Princess into a lily of the usual size—in which she ran the risk of being smothered, as it would keep getting up over her face, and which was always twisting round her feet and tumbling her down.
As to Daffodil, on her account the marriage came again near postponement. Only a little before the wedding procession was to start, the Crown Prince chanced to ask what her place in it was to be. He was told that, there never having been such a person at a Royal Wedding before, the Master of the Ceremonies had not been able to find any rule for what to do with her, so she had had to be left out. “Let her carry my Princess’s pocket‐handkerchief,” said the Crown Prince. “The precedence due to it will mark her place.” It was pointed out to him that her office only connected her with page: 122 third best pocket‐handkerchiefs and that to carry out this proposal would give rise to report against the new Crown Princess’s wedding pocket‐handkerchief. “Then let her accompany one of the Queen’s third best pocket‐handkerchiefs,” said the Crown Prince. But that could not be, for a third best pocket‐handkerchief, even though a Royal one, was considered not greatly more worthy to appear on such an occasion than Daffodil herself. Moreover the Master of the Ceremonies, and at last the Queen herself and all the Royal Family—except the King, who only shut his eyes venerably, and Prince Brekekex, who took his brother’s part—urged him to consider the impropriety of giving a mere joke like Daffodil a place in a procession in which many serious Court officials and servants and a whole host of Nobility longed in vain for admission. But the Crown Prince could be obstinate when he chose. “The creature is a pet of mine,” he said, “and that is high standing enough. She shall carry my pocket‐handkerchief: that is, naturally, a third best one compared with what the Royal Ladies will use, so that being assigned to it will be in accordance with her proper service.” And, as the Queen still refused to consent to Daffodil’s taking part in so distinguished a procession, he absolutely refused to be married at all. The ambassador of Grachidichika was sent for. He began shaking his head; but, before he had finished and got ready to speak; the Queen exclaimed “Say no more, my dear ambassador. You have prevailed. For the sake of continuing confidence between your Royal and Matrimonial master and our inimitably Royal Selves, I yield to page: 123 your entreaties. Let My Majesty’s Royal Jester attend the Crown Prince’s wedding pocket‐handkerchief.”
And thus it came about that Daffodil surprised the Croäxaxicans by her appearance in the wedding train of the future King of Croäxaxica.
